EL CAMINO FRANCES – WALKING TO CATCH MY SHADOW
Keep the Body Active & the Mind Still
I have quite an ACTIVE Mind. The only way to keep it STILL was to activate my Body.
And boy, did I push the limits of my Body!
I flirted with El Camino for a few years, but it was never the right time. I would always prioritize other voyages.
It was only natural that the right time came when I was at the lowest point, emotionally.
And what a nice way to step into your 40s than a total wreck, right? So, as a last resort, I decided to get completely lost to reconnect with my Truer Self. I wanted to chase that lost part of me and find meaning in all my failed relationships.
But, despite this urge to reconnect with my Truer self, I embarked on this journey with no expectations or clear goal other than keeping my mind Still.
I was not ready for what El Camino had in store for me.
Synchronicities – The Spiritual GPS of El Camino
Nothing happens by chance on El Camino. All those meaningful connections, all those homing beacons, all those winks and nods from the Universe tell you you’re on the right path as soon as you embark on The Camino Way.
I have decided to take The French Way, starting from Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port, and walk up to Santiago de Compostela. I’ve been told the first day is the hardest but I was not expecting to have such a huge impact on my physical and emotional condition for the rest of the journey.
But, once you start finding beauty and purpose in pain, your mindset switches to a place of serendipity. And you’re more present and aware of all the synchronicities on your path.
Believe it or not, synchronicities are there even though you are not aware of. And boy, my first one hurt to my deepest core! I did not know I still had to heal that part of my past that I buried deep down, not to succumb to that pain. But El Camino decided to make it my first lesson.
I found a pattern that I would run away from the pain by burying it deep inside me. But that doesn’t mean it’s still not there. In a way, I am thankful it came out and I was able to process it, even vaguely as it no longer hurt. It just gave me clarity that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I felt gratitude for how my life turned out to be.
I hate it when people talk like they own some kind of truth, without giving you the key to that knowledge. So, let me put it plain and simple how these synchronicities worked for me.
On the first evening, before starting, in Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port I met a young French guy, who approached me and we had a nice chat. In the morning I started earlier than him and told him that for sure he will catch me on the way up to the summit.
As soon as I started on the path, I met a young American guy and we started talking about the right path to take. So, we continued together all day long. When he approached, I had a feeling he looks familiar in some way, but I didn’t pay attention to it.
Since I live in Paris, I have a thing that I avoid asking people what they do for a living, because this is the first question someone asks you in France. And I’ve just had enough of it.
So, I did not ask him what he does for a living. But I felt so well, so strong in his presence that I was able to climb the mountain up to 1 460m with moderate effort. He was my rock for the hardest stage of The French Way, which we finished in 7h.
Half the way up, an American woman joins us, we start chatting and she asks him what he does for a living. When he tells her he is a Catholic Priest, I swear to God I felt my knees cut out from under me. I understood at that very moment that that day was about healing from my first breakup and my reconciliation with the Priests and Church. He helped me understand that not all Priests are the same and to forgive and process my experience with them.
On my third day, in the morning I thought of the first French guy and how we no longer crossed paths. Hazard has it, or maybe Camino has it, that we’ve met that evening in Pamplona when we went out for dinner with mutual Camino friends.
We were so happy to see each other again! The connections you make on the Camino are so short and deep that you feel like they are family. And indeed they all belong to your Camino Family!
Very soon I would realize why we did not cross paths again until that moment. Once he told me about his experience with his girlfriend and how he sees life and relationships it was like hearing my last partner talking to me and understanding why our relationship was doomed from the start.
Not being involved emotionally with this French guy I could hear him and find meaning in his words, things I could not with my recent partner. I immediately understood I had to heal from my first relationship to be able to deal with my last relationship, which still hurt like hell. And just like that, I started processing my most recent pain, understood, and broke the pattern.
I was able to forgive myself for giving him the power to emotionally hurt me. No one has the power to hurt us emotionally unless we give it to them.
Roof is man-made – free yourself from underneath
You don’t have to be a believer to experience El Camino. Have it your way – that’s the right way!
The first question you get on the Camino is where you’re from and the second question is WHY ARE YOU HERE.
A common denominator was that we were all trying to free ourselves from underneath this roof above ourselves, that is handmade. Either we’ve created it, or others created it for ourselves.
On my most excruciating, painful day, I was listening to Jay Shetty’s podcast “On Purpose” and he said something that spoke volumes to me: “You are not here to learn anything. You already know everything. You just get rid of all bad lessons you’ve learned”. Thank you, Jay – this should be the definition of El Camino!
“If you want to go 3 steps forward, go 2 steps deep”
It took me a week on El Camino to realize how messed up I was. Since the first km, it was all about finishing the stage, getting to Santiago de Compostela by that day, doing that many km, going back home telling everyone how strong I was, how I pushed my limits way beyond, and so on. The more people on the Camino were telling me I don’t look 40, but 32, the more I would push my body to be faster, stronger, and younger.
I was running down the heel because it was too hard on my joints to descend. I could not accept that, so I ran. The third day on the Camino my right knee sent me alerts in the form of pain to slow down, to enjoy the journey, and not rush to the destination.
I would not listen, each morning I would start all over again on the same fast pace.
It was on the 7th day that I got the lesson. I slowed down, took longer breaks, enjoyed the view, and talked to people. And guess what, the pain left me. I finally got my lesson.
I heard at that particular moment on Jay’s podcast someone saying (I think it was Anitta) that if you want to go 3 steps forward, you need to go 2 steps deep. And I just stopped and went into meditation. I did not do the 35km planned for that day, I did only 24. Like Matthew McConaughey would say, I did not score a perfect, yet ignorant A today, but an experienced, yet illuminating C instead. And guess what? I could not have been prouder of myself at that moment.
“Wherever you are, give the place the justice it deserves” – Matthew McConaughey
I did not give the Camino the justice it deserves! Well, at least not in my first week.
Matthew McConaughey said in his book, Greenlights, “Wherever you are, give the place the justice it deserves”.
Only through physical pain, I managed to understand what he meant by that. And something shifted inside me and I started giving this place the justice it deserved. Only then I was able to continue my journey, free of pain. Thank you for the lesson.
Love your shadow
When I first heard this I thought that’s exactly what I needed to work on. Loving my shadow, being OK with myself, and not seeking external acceptance from anyone. Just Me, Myself, and my Shadow. One foot in front of the other. One thought after another. With love and compassion.
And soon you start feeling that time stays still, the pressure is off, leaving place only to Pure Bliss and Gratitude. Every day feels the same, the same struggle getting out of bed, starting slowly with your sore body, and getting to the next stop point. And yet, you start feeling different inside, day by day. You connect with yourself, you see and acknowledge your shadow that follows you everywhere and you love her, as she is You.
Love your shadow, love your Truer Self!
Your Backpack is full of non-heavy items
We carry too much weight on our shoulders. Too many unnecessary things, too many worries, grief, or sorrows.
It’s the same on the Camino. We put so much stuff with us, thinking what if I might need them? Guess what, you won’t need them, you will not even feel they are missing. You’ll say, Oh but this is not heavy at all, and you’ll find yourself with a backpack full of non-heavy items that will make your backpack heavier than it should be.
I started thinking about what makes us carry so much weight, why can’t we be lighter, free from all unnecessary thoughts, free from all unnecessary items in our lives?
The answer lies in the materialistic society we’re in today, which shapes us to always want more than our neighbor, and to seek dopamine release in things, without putting in the work.
Yes, our life is full of non-expensive items as much as our backpack is full of non-heavy ones.
The end of the Journey, The start of your Life
We all say the journey ends once we reach Santiago de Compostela.
But the Journey of your life, the real one, the more mature one, starts NOW.
If you had the chance to start your life all over again, with all the knowledge you have now, what would you do? How would you live it?
That’s exactly the feeling you get once you get to Compostela. You start having even more questions than before. Returning to reality can be overwhelming and frightening at the same time. But it’s inevitable.
You just have to go one day after another, having small changes everyday, until your OLD life is far away.
Personally, the first thing I would like to implement in my new daily routine is to wake up at 6am and workout. I found it so invigorating waking up at dawn and achieving so much by 10 am when most people start their work day. I would be so proud of myself just by making this small adjustment. Only time will tell.
Thank you for reading and sharing my experience on El Camino de Santiago de Compostela. If you’ve done it, don’t hesitate to share with us all your thoughts and experience. If you’re planning on doing El Camino, just enjoy the journey and trust that Camino Provides. Always!
DID YOU FIND THIS ARTICLE USEFUL?
Tell me in the comments section if you’ve done El Camino and what was your experience. If you are planning to go on El Camino ask me for some useful tips that are not in this article.
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